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Tottenham And That
All previews essentially boil down to: ‘How about just fucking winning, eh, Everton?’ But there really, really isn’t much more to say other than that about this home game against […]
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Everton 2 Tottenham 1
With the crowd poised on the B of boo, and Spurs about to open a six point gap in fourth place, Everton turned their season on its head. In the […]
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Cheltenham Town 1 Everton 5
Well then, Everton managed to come through ‘Nam unscathed. That’s right, Chelter-Nam. Obviously that would have worked better if they had lost, but it’s a small price to pay for […]
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Everton 0 Swansea City 0
What promised to be a feast of football between sides managed by two of the most progressive managers in the Premier League actually ended up something of a bore. Michael […]
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Southampton 0 Everton 0
Look on the bright side, at least we can’t complain that Everton dominated this one but just failed to score. It has become extremely boring writing that story every week, […]
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Bolton Wanderers And That
We’re Bolton and we’re barmy and we’re on the piss tonight. A short jaunt up the road for this FA Cup fourth round tie is a good opportunity to see […]
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Bolton Wanderers 1 Everton 2
The deafening noise at the end of this fourth round FA Cup tie was the sound of scores of internet match reporters furiously pressing ‘delete’. When John Heitinga replaced Nikica […]
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Manchester United 2 Everton 0
In the opening exchanges of this encounter you could have been forgiven for thinking that Everton were the side saving themselves for a big game in midweek while Manchester United […]
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Everton 2 Manchester City 0
Oh Everton. Football supporting in the internet age often seems to boil down to watching a match with a fixed perspective and then interpreting what unfolds in a way that […]
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Everton and Fulham and Sunderland and that
To be honest, there’s not a lot to be said about the Sunderland defeat, but to not even give it a mention would give the impression that we only ‘report’ […]
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The Star Club
According to most of the papers, SV Hamburg seem pretty confident about signing Nikica Jelavic. Some director or other of the German club has been tweeting that Everton have […]
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Blackburn Rovers 1 Everton 3
Oh man, don’t you wish the Blues would hurry up and get snotted by Juventus just so we can read something on Newsnow other than ‘United interested in Belgian […]
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Friendly Fire
The Premier League season lurches ever closer and Evertonians continue to try and get some indication of just how different Roberto Martinez’s team will be to that of David Moyes. […]
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Everton 2 Real Betis 1
To be fair to Roberto Martinez he managed to be really positive following an absolutely miserable performance in the final friendly before the start of the Premier League Hunger Games. […]
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Cardiff City 0 Everton 0
Four games in and already these match reports feel a bit monotonous. Faced with another side who Everton really should expect to beat, they once again dominated the possession but […]
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Everton 1 Chelsea 0
It’s weird to keep reading José Mourinho making out that Chelsea battered Everton on Saturday but simply failed to convert their chances. Both sides were fairly cagey, passing the ball […]
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Everton 4 Stoke City 0
First of all, an apology. Last week, while musing on how Roberto Martinez would cope with the absence of Leighton Baines, we deduced that Bryan Oviedo’s absence from the derby […]
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Sunderland and Southampton and That
The games are officially coming all Darren Huckerby now – that’s right, ‘thick and fast’ – so once again we adopt the lazy-arse scattergun approach of talking about what’s going […]
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Everton 4 Queens Park Rangers 0
Previously, on This Is Not Football… Right, so after we got beat by Sunderland we had a hard game against Southampton, especially with a couple of big players suspended, but […]
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